Emotional Support

[Koroshiya-Ichi]

I feel like a basketcase. I'll be fine for most of the day, happy in my delusion that everything will turn out for the best, but then someone will say something that randomly reminds me of James and I'll burst into tears. I don't trust myself to go out into public. I've been trying to keep myself busy. My daughter and I go out on the patio a lot to play and when I can't sleep at night I macrame bracelets to sell at his and Michael's benefit next week or play games with a friend. I hate this waiting game. I don't know what to do. I feel so powerless.

Your post brought up a lot of raw feelings about my grandma's death and what my familiy and I did - or didn't do, rather - to cope with it. I would not wish the agony of extreme grief on my worst enemy, and I want so badly for you to be able to get to a better place than I was. Keeping busy is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It's so important that you not sit with your grief and let it overcome you, because that is an incredibly difficult hole to climb out of. Doing creative things like your macrame bracelets is a great idea, and allowing yourself to have fun with your daughter is something you can rely on if the worst happens (or even if it doesn't.) I know how hard it is to maintain a relatively normal life under the circumstances, about how it can feel shameful to even laugh or smile when someone you love is suffering, but don't give into the urge to isolate yourself or stay in all the time. If you're out somewhere and need to cry or break down, you can. You don't have to hide yourself away, your grief is not shameful. Don't be afraid to take 'breaks' from the situation if you can, like setting aside 5-10 minutes where you let yourself think about anything EXCEPT this. Listen to calming music while you do this, go to a park and walk or sit and enjoy the scenery, try to get into a mindset and environment that won't trigger your thoughts of him. I know how difficult it may be to permit that of yourself, but doing these kinds of things may help ease the transition for you if the worst does happen.

 

And on that subject I want to caution you, if you haven't done so already, to also take moments to think about what you're going to do in the event of his death. Of course it's impossible to ever really prepare yourself for that loss, and it's great that you remain hopeful and have the faith required to pray for him, but you need to have a plan in place because you probably won't have the emotional stamina to plan once he's gone. Know beforehand what steps you're going to take to keep yourself as stable as possible, what you're going to tell your daughter, if you're going to look into grief counseling, etc.

 

I'm truly sorry if any of this comes off insensitive, which could not be farther from my intentions. This is just some advice from someone who had no idea how to deal with a loved one's death, was completely blindsided by the devastation of it, and is thus nearly 3 years later still an emotional wreck because of it. Don't be like me. Reach out, accept help wherever it presents itself, hope for the best but prepare for the worst.

 

Michael and James did not deserve the horror they've endured. I'm so, so sorry for the pain caused to everyone involved, and so sorry that the hospital won't let you visit him during this crucial time. The person who did this needs to be apprehended and I think all of us in this thread would appreciate it if you'd let us know when/if they are caught. I'm not religious, but I'll keep James in my thoughts. You're so strong for being able to endure this. My heart goes out to you.

[georgexu94]

Sorry if I am a bit off-color. I just feel frantic after preparations for exams. There's only one more subject I am not sure if I'll pass. And I cannot afford to fail any subject at all after already having failed two.

 

I just want it all out.

[azila]

Well, I guess here is as good of a place as any to go for some comfort right now, since I feel awkward talking to my parents about it and my sister doesn't seem to want to pick up her phone at the moment.

 

I'm involved in a very strenuous vet tech program in college. Now, I think perhaps I was one of those students that narrow-mindedly thought that college was going to be a piece of cake, that I'd breeze right through my classes with minimal effort. Well, I got some sense pounded into me within the first week for that, something which I'm honestly a bit relieved over.

 

But there's my feelings on college that need to be addressed. Usually I'm able to cope with whatever is thrown my way, but today...today was different. Today, for some reason, I was reminded of all that I'm doing wrong.

 

For one, I literally only get motivated to do my reading assignments for like ten minutes at a time. I've tried time and time again to get around it- I KNOW that I have to do the work as well as anyone else, but I don't know if my brain is seeing the amount of work I have to do and just pulling a mental 'NOPE' on me or what. And when people keep throwing like....twenty different study strategies at me, it just confuses me even more. Doesn't rewriting the notes just create more unneeded work? Like seriously, throw me a freaking bone here.

 

Secondly, I just...sometimes don't feel like I'm very valued at this college. Maybe it's my anxiety acting up on me again, but I had one hands-on lab today where we were to do oral dosing on a horse, and I was so busy writing down the information that I missed the hands-on part of the demonstration. I basically stood there looking like an idiot while the teacher walked me through the steps. I felt so embarrassed and like such a failure- I keep feeling like people are watching me, just waiting for me to screw up like I always seem to do. It seems like everybody is so much better at this stuff than me, mostly because most of them have already worked at vet clinics and I'm just the newbie. I feel like people are helping me out one minute and looking at me like I'm some kind of freak the next.

 

I know people are bound to be in the same boat as me, and I know I'm probably over-reacting and that it's perfectly normal to feel this way about college. But....I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm scared and stressed out even though I'm getting perfectly good grades, worried that I'll screw up my hands-on midterms even with some form of practice, that sort of thing.

 

I thought school was supposed to give me a desire to learn, not take it away.

[DylanTheHuman]

Im so shaken roght now, my parents have been having difficulty lately, and tonight I heard my dad say "If you want to kill yourself, than just go do it!" An my mum was crying, and then I looked at tem through my door, and it looked like she was popping lots of pills and I felt like i wanted to die. Luckily, she threw them up after. I cant tske this. I CANT!

[MedievalMystic]

Dylan, I am so sorry. You shouldn't be subjected to your parents arguments at all.

 

What I would do if I were you? Seriously? I'd tell them straight up how they're making you feel. I'd sit them both down and tell them flat out that they're scaring you and making you feel miserable, worried, stressed and unsafe. Tell them honestly. They need to know what they're doing. They obviously aren't thinking straight in the heat of anger. They need a major wake up call.

 

Tell them how they're making you feel. Maybe they'll wake up. They need to. *hugs*

Edited October 14, 2014 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Obscure_Trash]

Im so shaken roght now, my parents have been having difficulty lately, and tonight I heard my dad say "If you want to kill yourself, than just go do it!" An my mum was crying, and then I looked at tem through my door, and it looked like she was popping lots of pills and I felt like i wanted to die. Luckily, she threw them up after. I cant tske this. I CANT!

You should tell someone with some kind of authority what's going on in your house - a school guidance counselor, a teacher, CPS, heck if all you feel comfortable going to is a neighbor or a friend's parent, then do that. <3 It helps having people to talk to.

 

It sucks getting caught up in your parents' drama! It really does affect us, huh? Sorry you had to hear and see that. *huggles* I hope you have a good friend to talk to or maybe a relative's shoulder to shoulder to cry on? D:

Edited October 14, 2014 by SockPuppet Strangler

[DragonSpirit009]

So yesterday I went to an open day to a school that allows you to study animation. I really, really want to study animation and I really want to go to this school. They teach everything. From 2D to 3D.

But sadly I guess it's not meant to be. Seeing I have a job and I need to pay the bills I think I need to leave my dream of becoming an animator.

The school only have one course and its a four year course. I would gladly leave my job and go study but I have to realistic. I still need to pay bills. I still need money to stay in Cape Town. I will still need money for food and petrol.

 

I feel like my dream is being taken away from me again. I feel like I will never accomplish anything!

[georgexu94]

So yesterday I went to an open day to a school that allows you to study animation. I really, really want to study animation and I really want to go to this school. They teach everything. From 2D to 3D.

But sadly I guess it's not meant to be. Seeing I have a job and I need to pay the bills I think I need to leave my dream of becoming an animator.

The school only have one course and its a four year course. I would gladly leave my job and go study but I have to realistic. I still need to pay bills. I still need money to stay in Cape Town. I will still need money for food and petrol.

 

I feel like my dream is being taken away from me again. I feel like I will never accomplish anything!

It's sad to know someone whose dreams have to be forfeited because of other things outside their control. If I were your friend in real time in the physical world, I would gladly lend money. But then...

 

Is there a way you can go to work at the same time attend the animation courses? I know it'll be very difficult and needs some arrangement but it might not be really impossible. You might be able to do something. Like have different schedule. Have a night time study and work at day. Or the reverse. However, you should take note you have enough sleep. Sleep is very important. ( Yes, I am a bit of a supporter of Lord Hypnos.) If you really love it, you WILL find a way. That's what my mom always say.

[Kestra15]

So yesterday I went to an open day to a school that allows you to study animation. I really, really want to study animation and I really want to go to this school. They teach everything. From 2D to 3D.

But sadly I guess it's not meant to be. Seeing I have a job and I need to pay the bills I think I need to leave my dream of becoming an animator.

The school only have one course and its a four year course. I would gladly leave my job and go study but I have to realistic. I still need to pay bills. I still need money to stay in Cape Town. I will still need money for food and petrol.

 

I feel like my dream is being taken away from me again. I feel like I will never accomplish anything!

*snug*

 

Reality and adulthood both suck. It doesn't mean you should stop pursuing your dream. It may mean waiting a while longer and having to save that little bit more, but don't stop believing that it is attainable.

 

Work another year and save a bit more? Find a part-time job/zero-hour contract job that gives you the flexibility to work and study? Take the course part-time to fit around your full-time job? Student loans? For people like us who don't have families there is almost always a way to make it work, though it's not always easy. But I think you can find a way

[Starscream]

I think I may be suffering from post traumatic stress from the event earlier this year. It was a frightening feeling...

 

My husband went to take a shower this morning, he's leaving for work, we both work today on thanksgiving... sucks but besides the point. Paul rarely takes showers in the morning, and usually it doesn't bother me.

 

This morning, I am laying in bed and I hear water running. I lay in bed curled up with my dragon and I just listen... realising I only hear water running. I suddenly go cold and burst out of bed and run to the bathroom. door is shut I feel panicky, he has it unlocked so I come in. ask if he's okay, his voice is so soft that I can't really tell if he said anything until I peaked in.

 

He's okay.

 

I just warned him never to lock that door. Not that it really stops me. I can open it. but I rather not have to find a pen.

 

I wish he didn't have to go to work....I really need a hug.

[prpldrgnfr]

*hugs Starscream*

[RWyvern]

So I'm getting ready for having Zuri, my last rat, euthanised. A few months ago it was discovered she was developing a tumour and I decided, since she was barely a year and a half old and the tumour was irremovable because of placing, to push her on as far as I could. Now it's about half her entire body weight, impeding movement and risking injury. I can't have her keep on keeping on like that. But she's still so happy. Right now I'm hearing her chattering away to herself, oblivious to her impending demise.

 

Just a couple of months ago I had to put her sister, Taji, down thanks to a major respiratory infection. I still doubt whether or not that is what I should have done. She might have recovered if I kept on with her antibiotics just a few more days. I held her while the vet gave her a lethal injection and while I shed a few tears, I didn't actually break out crying. I thought that, after having Truffle die of (presumed) cardiac arrest in my arms and Taji being euthanised while I held her I had gotten used to death.

 

Now Zuri's due for euthanasia in three days. I have been in an absolute mess since the night I made the choice, two days ago. I don't know if this is the right choice, I don't know whether the last thoughts she will have will be pleasant. I've been thinking of all kinds of 'what ifs'. I'm not religious so I don't even have the comfort of believing these rodents have and will find their places in some utopia. I can think that they will as much as I like, but I can't feel anything. For all I know, they could be stuck in a void of nothingness, holding a grudge against me for letting them go like that.

 

I refuse to let my parents or sisters see or hear, but I've been crying myself sick at night and giving myself headaches doing so. Zuri's the last rat I have and probably the last I'll ever have. I once vowed to always keep rats as they're the best pets I've ever had but now I don't think I'll be keeping any more. Regardless if they're from a commercial store or private breeder they'll always be prone to these wretched ailments that usual result in their deaths. I don't think I can handle it. I mean, this is coming from someone who cried for days over a spider who refused to leave her egg sac for food and starved herself to death.

 

I'm not expecting much in response to this, maybe just a few internet hugs. <3 you Zuri.

 

In case you hadn't figured it out, death's one of the few things that really distress me. Can barely even watch movies or read books with themes of death and usually tear up at the slightest thing, oftentimes from overthinking. That just leads me to watching more in the hopes of getting used to it.

[prpldrgnfr]

So I'm getting ready for having Zuri, my last rat, euthanised. A few months ago it was discovered she was developing a tumour and I decided, since she was barely a year and a half old and the tumour was irremovable because of placing, to push her on as far as I could. Now it's about half her entire body weight, impeding movement and risking injury. I can't have her keep on keeping on like that. But she's still so happy. Right now I'm hearing her chattering away to herself, oblivious to her impending demise.

 

Just a couple of months ago I had to put her sister, Taji, down thanks to a major respiratory infection. I still doubt whether or not that is what I should have done. She might have recovered if I kept on with her antibiotics just a few more days. I held her while the vet gave her a lethal injection and while I shed a few tears, I didn't actually break out crying. I thought that, after having Truffle die of (presumed) cardiac arrest in my arms and Taji being euthanised while I held her I had gotten used to death.

 

Now Zuri's due for euthanasia in three days. I have been in an absolute mess since the night I made the choice, two days ago. I don't know if this is the right choice, I don't know whether the last thoughts she will have will be pleasant. I've been thinking of all kinds of 'what ifs'. I'm not religious so I don't even have the comfort of believing these rodents have and will find their places in some utopia. I can think that they will as much as I like, but I can't feel anything. For all I know, they could be stuck in a void of nothingness, holding a grudge against me for letting them go like that.

 

I refuse to let my parents or sisters see or hear, but I've been crying myself sick at night and giving myself headaches doing so. Zuri's the last rat I have and probably the last I'll ever have. I once vowed to always keep rats as they're the best pets I've ever had but now I don't think I'll be keeping any more. Regardless if they're from a commercial store or private breeder they'll always be prone to these wretched ailments that usual result in their deaths. I don't think I can handle it. I mean, this is coming from someone who cried for days over a spider who refused to leave her egg sac for food and starved herself to death.

 

I'm not expecting much in response to this, maybe just a few internet hugs. <3 you Zuri.

 

In case you hadn't figured it out, death's one of the few things that really distress me. Can barely even watch movies or read books with themes of death and usually tear up at the slightest thing, oftentimes from overthinking. That just leads me to watching more in the hopes of getting used to it.

Rats are the best! I'm so very sorry you're having to deal with losing so many of your little loved ones so quickly. I believe you *are* making the right choice, it's part of the pact you make as a loving owner-that when it's time, you help them to make the transition to whatever comes next. I'm not religious either, but I do believe the phrase "passing on" is used for a reason, I don't think there is nothingness but a something, and when you meet up with your ratties again, they will thank you for being a wonderful, loving owner. *lots of hugs*

[georgexu94]

I'm losing my temper now. People just don't know how to listen. They just keep interrupting when I'm speaking. Where to find people who know how to listen. Where are they so rare? To connect it with that, I don't like the idea that I have to pay for a psychologist or guidance counselor so that I can have someone to talk to. I know they have to learn a living and it's also difficult to hear a lot of problems from others. However, it is really disheartening.

 

Also, I'm losing my motivation. People just loves to criticise and nitpick. And they aren't even constructive criticisms. When I'm motivated to do something productive, my mother would have to say it. I just don't want to do what I'm told IF I am about to do it already. Feels weird.

 

Ugh! And the noise is unbearable too! I am a good listener yes, but then it doesn't help when my father turns the television too loud. I can't even focus on my work. I have to remind him everytime. It gets annoying.

 

#FamilyIssues

 

Apologies if I am losing my hope for humanity.

Edited October 15, 2014 by georgexu94

[MedievalMystic]

George, you've got to learn to be more assertive, imo. If someone interrupts you constantly, I don't care who it is, even if it's a parent, simply say something like, 'Excuse me, I was in the middle of a sentence. If you keep interrupting me like that, this conversation is over. I don't see any point in talking to someone that won't listen.' Then see what happens. If they keep interrupting or cop an attitude, simply walk away. That pretty much says it all.

 

As for your dad and his loud tv, use earplugs. Works like a charm.

 

If someone is overly critical for no reason, tell them that you don't appreciate them nit picking you and if you want their opinion, you'll ask for it. Then walk.

 

As for your mom tell her you're already on it and leave it at that.

Edited October 15, 2014 by MedievalMystic

[georgexu94]

^ Thanks for the advice, MedievalMystic!

[Nanashi]

I really should have said something about this before, but I thought it was too selfish of me. Of course, now it's gotten worse... I actually have to force myself to write this.

 

I've been having nightmares lately. All about the same thing- My dad's house. Mainly, my stepmother. I thought I had gotten over it, but apparently, some part of me hasn't.

At first, it wasn't all that common, and I had one every now and then, so it didn't bother me much. But it got more and more common. When I started having at least one per week is when I should have gotten help, but I didn't, so now I'm lucky to have a dream about something else. I did everything I could think of- Reading before bed, changing the music I listen to when I sleep, drinking tea... There's more, but nothing seems to work that well. It helps lessen how often I get them, yes, but the dreams are still there. And dreams are something I can't handle.

I tried talking to people about this, but I brought my stepmother up and suddenly I basically got yelled at. Yes, I could have had worse, but I need help! And seeing as my family won't help since it's related to my stepmother, and since I have a distrust of people and therefore do not even want to think about talking to a stranger about my problems, even if they can help, this is basically my only place to turn.

I don't really expect any help, honestly, but it's worth a shot to ask.

 

...My distrust of people doesn't extend to the internet when I actually need help.

[MedievalMystic]

Seacat, is there something going on with your stepmother? Do you not get along with her? Is she mean to you and/or does she abuse you in any way? Do you live with your dad and your stepmom? And why won't family help? I don't understand that. If there's an issue that needs to be addressed, then it needs to be addressed.

 

The only advice I can give is to try and stay away from her. Maybe a private, serious conversation with your dad is in order if you feel uncomfortable talking with her around or confronting her directly. I don't know of anything that can actually stop dreams, but getting away from the source of your anxiety, or finding some way to minimize it, seems like the first step.

Edited October 16, 2014 by MedievalMystic

[Nanashi]

Seacat, is there something going on with your stepmother? Do you not get along with her? Is she mean to you and/or does she abuse you in any way? Do you live with your dad and your stepmom? And why won't family help? I don't understand that. If there's an issue that needs to be addressed, then it needs to be addressed.

 

The only advice I can give is to try and stay away from her. Maybe a private, serious conversation with your dad is in order if you feel uncomfortable talking with her around. I don't know of anything that can actually stop dreams, but getting away from the source of your anxiety, or finding some way to minimize it, seems like the first step.

Ah, sorry. I should have explained.

 

Okay, the easiest way for me to explain is by just quoting the post regarding her. (Which was dealt with a long while ago.)

Until recently, I had gone to my dad's for the weekends. A few months ago, I stopped. I love going over there. It's just... My stepmother. You know those storybook ones? She's like them. I feel bad for her because she has cancer and all, but... She seemed to take it out on me. By telling me to go to my room and then complain about how I never spend time with her, and force me to eat breakfast(learning I was lactose intolerant was like a dream come true when it came to this), and, knowing I cannot stand horror movies, put one on after I enter the room. And I mean she's watching something normally, then I enter the room and most of the time she'd pick up the remote and change the channel to some horror movie, and I'd go straight back into my room.

I couldn't stand it. Even now, I still can't, and I'm not even going over there. But I feel bad. I like my dad and all, but... I'm terrified of my stepmother. Even now, I'm crying as I type this.

Oh, and another thing: I'd be playing a game on the computer and she'd start saying how stupid I was while right behind me. She'd say mean things about my mother and about how I suck at math and... I literally barely kept myself there. Then I shut off the computer and left as fast as I could.

...And she'd make me eat things I dislike. She'd force me to finish whatever I got- Even if she dished me up- unless I puked, which is when she'd send me to my room. And she'd ground me when I didn't finish eating otherwise.

Is this how parents are supposed to act? My mother is nice and if I can't eat anything else, she'll let me throw it out. If I puke, she won't wave it off like my stepmother does, she'd actually take care of me. I dislike peppers, and she never made me eat them. And she wouldn't send me to my room because I'm not doing anything(lies, I play with the dogs and my stepmother sends me to my room).

...It wasn't like my stepmother neglected me... She fed me and stuff... But my dad at least did stuff with me that I liked.

As for why won't family help, it's because my sister went through worse, and they think that me having problems with my stepmother- Even after not seeing her for almost a year- is just me wanting attention.

[MedievalMystic]

Ah, ok. Yes, I remember your post.

 

All I can tell you is to stay the hell away from her. She sounds like a real...winner. Really, had anyone on this planet forced me to eat until I puked, I'd have made sure to puke right on them. What a moron.

 

Let another couple years go by... or three, or four...or forever...before you subject yourself to her again. The longer you stay away, the more the horrible memories of being around her will fade into the background. The more those memories fade, the less you'll dream about it. If your dad asks what's going on, tell him honestly. That's about all you can do. If you want to see him, see him alone. Insist on it. If he says no, don't see him either until he gets it. Keep in touch via computer/phone.

 

Best of luck!

Edited October 16, 2014 by MedievalMystic

[Chanilove]

Thanks to everyone who responded to my post! I kinda poofed for a bit, but it's nice to read them now. I need all the positivity I can get.

 

James passed away two days ago in hospice. We still don't know who did it and, to be honest, it doesn't even feel like the detectives are trying. I was the one that knew him best and the one that last talked to him -- I was on the phone with him when it happened -- and the detectives still haven't contacted me. I've tried to contact them, but they didn't return my call. This makes me sick to my stomach. I know they're probably busy but it's been a month. The arsonist is still out there somewhere.

 

I'm probably being irrational with grief, but I really just wanna take it to the media right now. They love a good story about lazy cops and then, at least, they would have my story in some form or another. It's just downright upsetting that this person killed two absolutely wonderful people, two young men who held jobs, never complained about anything, and were always doing what they could to help people, and he/she's getting away with it.

Edited October 16, 2014 by Chanilove

[RWyvern]

Rats are the best!  I'm so very sorry you're having to deal with losing so many of your little loved ones so quickly.  I believe you *are* making the right choice, it's part of the pact you make as a loving owner-that when it's time, you help them to make the transition to whatever comes next.  I'm not religious either, but I do believe the phrase "passing on" is used for a reason, I don't think there is nothingness but a something, and when you meet up with your ratties again, they will thank you for being a wonderful, loving owner.  *lots of hugs*

Thank you for this :') *hugs back*

 

Zuri was euthanised this morning and the vet agrees it was definitely a good choice. I asked that Zuri have an anaesthetic before the injection so she'd be asleep first, but that did mean having to give her up to be taken into the back room.

 

And just like with Taji, I can't tell if I'm sad or not. I mean, I'm sad, but I haven't cried since Zuri's body was returned to me. Part of me says that I'm used to death, but the past five days after making the choice were really hard. Chances are it's just going to take a little while to come but I've always been one for trying to move on as quickly as possible. I stayed up late last night watching a movie to keep my mind off what I knew was coming, and I may do so again tonight to try and fend off the doubtful 'what if' thoughts I usually get.

 

RIP Zuri, you'll be remembered. You certainly left your mark on my poor curtain, which is now but a fraction of its former glory since you discovered it made good nesting material. <3

Edited October 17, 2014 by rampaging wyvern

[EnchantingMiracle]

aww but it is sad. ^^When a pet dies it still affects you and can make you really sad. I'm sorry that your guinea pig died :/

 

My mom broke up with her bf and she doesn't even act sad. Goshh... I actually felt really close to him.. He was nice.. And I wanted them to get married so he could be my step-dad. .~. I predicted they would break up and I was right. >_> Sometimes I really don't believe in true love. *~*

It makes me so sad. ._.

[Trinketguu]

Have you ever been so upset that you can't even talk about how upset you are?

[DragonLove234]

Have you ever been so upset that you can't even talk about how upset you are?

Personally yes. There are times where I get so upset that I completely shut down. I don't talk or communicate in any way, just because of how upset I get.

 

I had a pet turtle, his name was Cheesecake like Turtle Cheese Cake and he was a baby Alligator Snapping Turtle I adopted. He was rescued from some large dogs, labs and a retriever. I had him for a few months and he actually won 2nd place in a Turtle Racing Contest and the other turtles were very big and very fast. I loved him so but sadly, one morning I woke up and went outside to check on him. It was late July and very hot. My parents wouldn't let me bring him inside though... I guess it was because he was a Turtle. I went outside and saw his head facing towards the sky, dead. I cried outside, holding his body for 2 hours straight... maybe more. I requested a funeral but it was about 2 weeks until I got one. I wanted him to have a coffin but everyone was at work and so my brother scooped his rotting carcass out of a container with a shovel and held it with sticks and dumped it into the ground... because y'know... that'll make me feel better. My younger sisters don't understand how it felt and so when we eat cheesecake or talk about turtles, one will always say, "remember your turtle Cheesecake?" And then they'll bother me about it... and I'll just cry to myself and lock up. Remembering his sad little face when he died.