Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) Warriors Of The Forest The Clans all looked up at the ThunderClan leader, Lionstar. "As you all know, the Twolegs have once more invaded our Clans and torn up our earth. Countless moons ago, The Clans had to leave their home to come here for the same reasons. If we stay here, at The Lake, we will die. Starclan has given us a prophecy saying that our land, lost long ago, has been abandoned for many, many moons. We have no other choice. We must go back to The Forest Territories and reclaim our old home," he explained loudly. The cats stared at him wide eyed; the stories of The Forest had faded even from the elder's den long ago, and many cats doubted it was real. Lionstar glanced at the other leaders. "The leaders, deputies, and medicine cats have talked for moons, and we know this is the only thing we can do," he said, leaping down from the tree. "We leave now." Plot The Clans left The Lake Territory moons ago, and they finally reached The Old Forest after the long journey. On their way back, they had to go through snow, fight a fox, and, at one point, they had only crowfood to eat. They also realized that the Tribe Of Rushing Water was gone. When they returned, they found a new Thunderpath, a very thin one, at the edge of old Shadowclan territory and realized that that was what the Twolegs were building so many moons ago. The old Thunderpath has been abandoned, apart from the one or two Twoleg monsters now and then. The new one at the edge of Shadowclan territory resembles the old Thunderpath at its height, although cats don't usually cross it. Also, in each Clan's territory, there is a small clearing where the earth was dug up, and put back. It seems that the Twolegs have planted new saplings here. The Old Forest is now overrun with rogues and loners who pass through, and rats are popular; these things don't make much of a difference, though, since the Clans can fight them off. Also, a couple of foxes and a badger have moved into the territories. Other than that, The Old Forest looks the mostly the same, and the cats are proud to call it their new home. But now, The Clans must go their separate ways once more. Will they be able to let go of the bonds that were formed during the journey and survive on their own? Or will The Clans die out forever? Rules 1. Follow the rules or you will get onto one of the bad lists. To get on the yellow list you have to not follow a small rule. To get on the red list you either break a small rule again and again or break a big rule once. 2. Follow dragon cave rules 3. No god-modding or power-playing. 4. No spamming. 5. Add the word Starclan in the password. 6. Keep stuff PG-13 7. You are not all powerful, and you have to die at some point 8. No cussing. 9. Gatherings will be held every ten pages, unless I say otherwise. 10. No Mary-sue/Gary-stu or anti Mary-sue/Gary-stu (no being perfect, or being a sad excuse for a cat) 11. If you are inactive for three weeks without notice you will loose your cats. 12. Only five characters per person, unless you ask me and I say otherwise. 13. If you want your cat to have any special powers, or prophecies, PM me. 14. You need at LEAST five sentences per cat in every post. 15. If you want to be a medicine cat, you must have a general knowlage of herbs. 16. If you want to be a leader, you must have at least one other warrior/queen in that clan. 17. You may not have more than two important cats, unless you ask me and i say otherwise. (Leader, deputy, med. cat/apprentice, part of a prophecy) 18. Starting now, I will no longer accept dublicate prefixes. As in if one cat's name is Silverclaw, yours can't be Silverpaw. 19. All plot disscussions in OCC thread. Here -> http://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?act=ST&f=31&t=140915 17. Have fun (better not break this rule!) Lists Yellow List With a warning Red List Suspened from the RP for a certain amount of time Black List Expelled from the RP forever Character Sheets Username: (Simple enough) Name: (kits end in -kit, apprentices end in -paw, leaders end in -star, warriors can end in anything) Age: (In moons) Gender: (She-cat or tom) Clan: (Thunder, River, Wind, or Shadow) Position: (Kit, apprentice, warrior, ect...) Description: (What i put next to their name below) Appearance: (A longer description of their looks plus/or a picture) Personality: (Personality. RP'd is not acceptable) History: (History. RP'd is not acceptable) Other: (Anything else?) Password: (You should know. *.* It's not your DCF password!!!!) Username: Name: Age: Gender: Clan: Position: Description: Appearance: Personality: History: Other: Password: The Clans Thunderclan - Only accepting warriors Leader: Lionstar - A very old yellow tom with thick fur and amber eyes. {Laurarockstar} Deputy: Snowcloud- An all white tom with a dark grey triangle on his chest. {libby2999} Medicine Cat: Thornfire- A small tortiose shell she-cat with black, orange, and dark brown mottles and patches; she has white toes and tail tip, a nick in her left ear, and greenish blue eyes. {Nimbus And JadeEyes} Medicine Cat Apprentice: Moonpaw- A black she-cat with silver eyes. {Catlover232} Warriors: Almondpelt- A long bodied, short legged black, brown and white patched tom with gray eyes; he has a orange splash on his tail tip, and black toes. {Nimbus And JadeEyes} Graymist- A gray tom with black eyes. {Funzone} Apprentices: Queens: Brightheart- A cream bengal cat and icy blue eyes. (caring for kits) {foxfairy34759} Elders: Kits: Snowkit- A blind white kit with glassy blue eyes. {foxfairy34759} Shimmerkit- A fluffy white kit with dark blue eyes, the runt of the litter. {Laurarockstar} Pebblekit- A black and white tuxedo tom with brownish-blue eyes. {catlover232} Hollowkit- A large long haired creamy tom with green eyes. {Dewspirit} Eaglekit- a rough short-haired dark sandy she-cat with blue eyes and black-tipped ears. {Dewspirit} Wolfkit- A silver bengal tom with one ice blue eye and one amber. {Dewspirit} Riverclan - Could really use more warriors and apprentices Leader: Streamstar- A gray tabby tom with pale yellow green eyes, he also has white paws and tail. {girlfairy76} Deputy: Rainbreeze- A pale grey she-cat with rainy blue eyes. {Laurarockstar} Medicine Cat: Silverorb- A simple gray she-cat, no stripes but her eyes are silver. {Libby2999} Medicine Cat Apprentice: Warriors: Tigerstripes- A brown-eyed tom with black striped orange fur. {SoiledLove} Fireslash- An orange tabby with thick muscles and white socks. {Iza111} Apprentices: Queens: Elders: Kits: Unnamed kit (unborn)- A striped tom with grey underbelly and orange stripes on the top with a few small black spots along his coat, his tail is mostly black. {libby299} Windclan - Really Needs Med. Cat and warriors Leader: Shadestar- A lean, swift, jet black tom with golden eyes. {SoiledLove} Deputy: Skycloud- A blue-gray cat with turquoise eyes. {Skystar11} Medicine Cat: Medicine Cat Apprentice: Warriors: Apprentices: Queens: Littleflower- A brown and black calico she-cat with green eyes. (Caring for kits.) {Laurarockstar} Elders: Kits: Mistkit- A brown and black calico she-cat with white paws and blue-green eyes. {SoiledLove} Rosekit- A beautiful calico she-cat with shining green eyes. {Lauraockstar} Mothkit- A long legged tom with golden colored eyes. {foxfairy34759} Shadowclan - Really needs more apprentices Leader: Heronstar- A cream colored tabby with bright green eyes. {Dragonlunge} Deputy: Longfang- A Black she-cat with long teeth and a scar beneath her eye. {funzone} Medicine Cat: Frostberry- A white cat with one blue eye and one green eye. {Laurarockstar} Medicine Cat Apprentice: Warriors: Dapplefeather- A grey tabbly she-cat with hazel eyes. {Sorrowgrave} Emberpelt- A red tabby with shining blue eyes. She has couple of scars from a fox attack. {Dragonlunge} Frostshadow- A silver tabby she-cat with blue eyes. {SoiledLove} Whitesocks- A gray tom with white on his paws and nose. {Funzone} Cloverforst- A long-haired she-cat with emerald green eyes. {♥Flare♥} Owlflare- A white and brown she-cat with ice blue eyes. {Dragonpelt} Hollowheart- A large black tom with gray spots on his fur and amber eyes. {Sorrowgrave} Apprentices: Queens: Elders: Kits: Rogues Kittypets Loners Starclan Dark Forest Relationships Mentors-> Apprentices Thornfire-> Moonpaw Queens-> Kits Brightheart-> Snowkit, Hollowkit, Pebblekit, Shimmerkit Littleflower-> Mistkit, Rosekit, Mothkit Mate (F)-> Mate (M) Brightheart-> Almondpelt (?) Littleflower-> [Open] The Forest Territories ThunderClan Territory ThunderClan claims the southeastern part of the region, their territory consisting of deciduous woodland. Their camp is in a sandy ravine that used to be a riverbed a long time ago, surrounded by brambles. Landmarks -A small stream runs through the territory, close to the camp. -Near the camp is The Sandy Hollow, an area where apprentices do their battle training. -West of the camp is The Owl Tree, a tree that was always home to owls. -East of the camp is Snakerocks, a clearing where prey and plants are abundant, but adders represent a danger. Next to the clearing is The Great Sycamore, a tall tree where apprentices learn to climb. -Southwest of the camp is Sunningrocks, a large, smooth stone formation by the river where cats love to sun themselves. -Far south of the camp is Tallpines, a controlled pine forest, grown for the purpose of wood for Twolegs. In its middle, there is the Treecut Place (a logging camp). RiverClan Territory RiverClan claims the southwestern part of the region, on the right bank of the river . Their territory consists of open plains, and their camp is on a large, well-drained island, surrounded by reeds, that can be reached only by swimming (although such an island does not appear on the map). Landmarks -The river itself is a source of prey for the cats. It follows a gorge that comes to a waterfall, then continues through the plains. RiverClan cats can swim through it, but there is also a Twoleg bridge that makes crossing safe when the water is high. -South of the camp is a Twolegplace with a campsite next to it. WindClan Territory WindClan claims the western part of the territory, wedged between the Thunderpath and the river, consisting of rolling moorland. Their camp is in a sandy hollow, surrounded by gorse. Landmarks -East of the camp is a large rock from where the moorland can be overseen. -West of the camp is Barley's Farm, where cows, sheep and dogs live. -South of the camp is an abandoned badger set, a source of prey. ShadowClan Territory ShadowClan claims the northeastern part of the region, their territory consisting of marshy and damp ground with few trees. It is bordered by a Thunderpath to the south that has a tunnel underneath that permits crossing into ThunderClan grounds. Their camp is in a hollow with muddy ground, surrounded by brambles. Landmarks -South of the camp is the Burnt Sycamore, an ancient tree that was burnt by lightning long ago. ShadowClan apprentices learn their night hunting and quiet stalking at this tree. -West of the camp is Carrionplace, a Twoleg dump, home to disease and rats. It provides ShadowClan with food during leaf-bare. Neutral Territory Fourtrees Fourtrees is a clearing with four tall oak trees in the middle, used by Clans for Gatherings. It is a neutral territory, unclaimed by any Clan. All Clans have a direct access to it; they do not have to travel through other Clans' grounds to reach it. Highstones Highstones is an abandoned quarry in the northwestern part of the territory. It is an easily visible landmark. A tunnel in the ground contains the Moonstone, where leaders and medicine cats go to share tongues with StarClan. It is a neutral territory, unclaimed by any Clan. Twolegplace In the southeastern part, there is a settlement known as The Twolegplace to the cats. It was built on the former SkyClan grounds. It was home to BloodClan, a ferocious group of rogues. Clans RiverClan RiverClan is known for their skill at swimming. RiverClan cats are also known for their unique skill at scooping fish from the river. The very first leader was River. ShadowClan ShadowClan, the source of many of the darker cats seen in the series, is sometimes referred to as the "dark heart of the forest." ShadowClan cats are known for their ability to walk quietly and avoid detection. They're also known for their willingness to eat frogs, toads, lizards, rats, and crowfood- foods most Clan cats turn their noses up at. Their first leader was Shadow. ThunderClan ThunderClan cats are known for their skill at stalking prey through forest and undergrowth. The very first leader was Thunder. WindClan WindClan, who lived closest to the Moonstone, are cats well versed in Twoleg culture (due to the farm they lived so close to). WindClan Cats are known for their swift paws, which lend ease to catching prey such as rabbits on the open moors of their territory. Their very first leader was Wind. StarClan StarClan are the deceased warrior ancestors of the Clans who live on in spirit form after dying and watch over the living Clan cats. There is no specific leader for StarClan, since there are many cats from all four Clans that work together. They are responsible for sending signs and omens to the living cats. The Dark Forest The Place of No Stars (informally known as the Dark Forest) is the opposite of StarClan's hunting grounds. It is a place where cats that have committed great crimes against their Clans and the Warrior Code go when they die. However, cats who commit crimes but believe they are following the Warrior Code by doing them can usually join the ranks of StarClan instead. Rogue Rogue is the term used to describe the hostile, stray cats who do not belong to a Clan and are not cared for by Twolegs. Loner Loners are cats living on their own who do not belong in any Clan, are not looked after by Twolegs, and don't trouble the Clans. Kittypet A kittypet is the Clan cats' word for housecats that Twolegs keep and care for. Medicine Cat Herbs Herbs: Adder barrack – Toothache. Alfalfa – Used to prevent tooth decay. Aloe Vera – Use the leaves to treat burns and skin problems (insect bites, etc.). Blessed Thistle – Helps strengthen the heart & lungs; increases circulation. Borage - Leaves and Roots should be consumed to stave off fevers. Seeds and leaves should be consumed by the nursing Queen to increase available milk. Borage should never be used dried, only green. Bramble twigs (chewed to a fine syrup) – Helps to sleep. Broom Malice Poultices – Open wounds. Burdock Root – Used to relieve joint pains (like arthritis). Good for rat bites and infected wounds. Catnip - Used to ease pain and help cure Greencough, Blackcough, and Whitecough. Very important to have! Gathered and pressed into wounds to stop bleeding. Generally only used with wounds that risk bleeding heavily as they can cause increased risk of infection. Celandine - Used to strengthen weak eyes. Chamomile - Used to relax, leaves and flowers sooth the heart & gives physical strength. Chapparal – Helps clean faces. Chervil Juice - Best for infected wounds. Chervil Root - Used to cure bellyache. Cobwebs - Used to stop bleeding. Comfrey - Used to help cure broken bones. Deathberry - Berries, or any other part of the plant, when consumed, will kill the cat who swallows it if they are not given immediate help, and even then, they may not always be saved. Roots & leaves may be chewed together and applied to sore places, but must NEVER be applied to open wounds. This is a poison in addition to a healing plant. Dock leaves - Used to make fur slippery when stuck in a tight space. Echinacia - Used to ease infection. Ferns – Helps to clean out wounds by using the inner part, once the outer ‘shells’ are ‘crunched’ off. Feverfew - Small bush with flowers like a daisy. The leaves can be eaten to reduce body temperature; especially usefull for cats with fever or chills. Can also heal aches and headaches. Garlic – Used to treat infections and wounds. Ginger – Used for asthma and coughs. Goldenrod - A muscle pain reliever. Hawthorne Berries – Treats heart burns and indigestion. Honey - Used to sooth irritated throats and other things, particularly good for smoke inhalation. Horsetail – Chew the leaves and spit into wounds; stops infections. Huckleberry – A muscle pain reliever. Ivy – Calms down cats. Juniper berries - Good for belly ache and whitecough. Berries ease the stomach and can serve as a counter poison. Leaves are used to ease coughs and other respiratory problems. Lavender - Leaves & flowers are particularly good when eaten for easing pains in head and throat, and good for a chill. Inhaling the scent of fresh flowers can also calm the nerves. Marigold - Leaves and flowers should be consumed to relieve chills. Leaves and Petals can be chewed and placed on wounds to prevent infection. Mouse - Bile from the liver of the common mouse may be harvested and used to kill stubborn fleas and ticks. Nettle - Leaves are used on rashes and fever. Poppy (wild) - Seeds can be consumed to remove pain and aid in sleep. Flower heads should be consumed together to relieve continuous coughs. Petals and leaves should be chewed to aid in sleep and improve resting. Ragweed Leaves - Relieves stiff joints. Roots - Good for belly-aches. Sacred bark – Used for upset stomach. Snakeroot - Used to counter poison. Tansy - Leaves, flowers, and stems should be eaten together to remove worms. Leaves may be chewed to relieve joint aches. Flowers should be consumed to remove coughs. Pregnant Queens should NEVER be given Tansy, for it causes miscarriages. Thyme - Should be consumed to calm the anxious cat, or to aid in bringing restful sleep. Water mint - Used to cure bellyache. Willow (Tree) - Water from beneath the bark of the flowering willow may be dripped into the eyes to help clear blurriness of vision. It may also be applied to dry patches of skin to sooth itches. Small amounts of Willow Bark may be consumed to ease pain, act against inflammation, and to ease diarrhea or fevers. Yarrow Leaves - Makes the patient throw-up and extract poison. Yarrow Ointment – For scraped paws. Poison: Foxglove seeds - Seeds that bear an unknown amount of poison. Can be mistaken for poppy seeds. Nightshade - Also known as Deadly Nightshade, this plant is very poisonous, and can kill even the strongest warrior! Yew berries/deathberries - are extremely poisonous species of red berries and either one can kill a cat in seconds. Ceremonies Appointing a Deputy: Leader: "I say these words before the body of **previous deputy**, so that his/her spirit may hear and approve my choice. **new deputy** will be the new deputy of **Clan name**." Making Apprentices: Leader: "By naming apprentices, we show that **Clan name** will survive and remain strong." Leader: " From this moment on, until he/she has earned his/her Warrior Name, this Apprentice will be known as **kit name+paw**." Leader: " **Mentor's name**, you are now ready to take on an apprentice. You will be mentor to **Apprentice's name**. ** Mentor's name**, you have shown yourself to be a warrior of ** Virtue #1 ** and ** Virtue #2 **. I'm sure you will pass on all you know to this apprentice." New Mentor Ceremony: Leader: " I call upon my warrior ancestors to give this apprentice a new mentor. **Apprentice name**, you have lost your first mentor, so your new mentor will be **new mentor's name** " Making Warriors: Leader: **Mentors name**, are you satisfied that this apprentice is ready to become a warrior?" Mentor: "Yes, she/he is ready" Leader: "I (**Leader name**, leader of **clan name**) call upon my warrior ancestors to look down upon this apprentice. He/she has trained hard to understand the ways of your noble code, and I commend him/her to you as a warrior in his/her turn." Leader: " **Apprentice name**, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and defend this clan, even at the cost of your life?" Apprentice: " I do " Leader: " Then by the powers of Starclan I give you your warrior name. **Apprentice name**, from now on, you will be known as ** Warrior name**. ** Clan name** welcomes you as a full warrior." Warriors to Elders: Leader: " **Warrior name**, is it your wish to give up the name of warrior and go to join the elders? New elder: 'it is' Leader: " Your clan honors you and all the service you have given us. I call upon Starclan to give you many seasons of rest." New Name: Leader: "I call upon my warrior ancestors to take away the name of this cat. For it now longer stands for who she/he is. **Cat name**, from now on, you shall be known as **new name**. Medicine Cat Apprentice: Medicine Cat: **Apprentice name**, is it your wish to enter into the mysteries of StarClan as a medicine cat? Medicine Cat Apprentice: It is. Medicine Cat: Then come forward *Apprentice obliges* Medicine Cat: Warriors of StarClan, I present to you this apprentice. She/he has chosen the path of a medicine cat. Grant her/him your wisdom and insight so that she/he may understand your ways and heal her/his Clan in accordance with your will. Now lay down next to the stone. Medicine Cat: Medicine Cat: I, **Med. cat **, medicine cat of **Clan name**, call upon my warrior ancestors to look down on this apprentice. She/he has trained hard to understand the way of a medicine cat, and with your help, she/he will serve his/her Clan for many moons. **Apprentice name**, do you promise to uphold the way of a medicine cat, to stand apart from rivalry between Clan and Clan, and to protect all cats equally, even at the cost of your life? Medicine Cat Apprentice: I do. Medicine Cat: Then, by the powers of StarClan, I give you your true name as a medicine cat. **Apprentice name**, from this moment you shall be known as **New med. cat name**. StarClan honors your knowledge and certainty, and we welcome you as a full medicine cat of **Clan**. The Warrior Code 1. Defend your Clan, even with your life. You may have friendships with cats from other Clans, but your loyalty must remain to your Clan, as one day you may meet them in battle. 2. Do not hunt or trespass on another Clan's territory. 3. Elders, queens, and kits must be fed before apprentices and warriors. Unless they have permission, apprentices may not eat until they have hunted to feed the elders. If any warrior or apprentice is sick or injured, they may eat while the elders, queens, and kits are eating. 4. Prey is killed only to be eaten. Give thanks to StarClan for its life. 5. A kit must be at least six moons old to become an apprentice. 6. Newly appointed warriors will keep a silent vigil for one night after receiving their warrior name. 7. A cat cannot be made deputy without having mentored at least one apprentice. 8. The deputy will become Clan leader when the leader dies, retires or is exiled. 9. After the death or retirement of the deputy, the new deputy must be chosen before moonhigh. 10. A Gathering of all four Clans is held at the full moon during a truce that lasts for the night. There shall be no fighting among Clans at this time. 11. Boundaries must be checked and marked daily. Challenge all trespassing cats. 12. No warrior can neglect a kit in pain or danger, even if the kit is from a different Clan. 13. The word of the Clan leader is the warrior code. 14. An honorable warrior does not need to kill other cats to win his/her battles, unless they are outside the warrior code or if it is necessary for self-defense. 15. A warrior rejects the soft life of a kittypet. Clan Ranks Each Clan shares the same basic ranking system, consisting of nine distinct ranks. Leader: A Clan leader is charged with the responsibility to watch over and manage an entire Clan, maintaining discipline, order, and protection. It is assumed that if the leader is a she-cat, she is not allowed to have a mate or kits, though there has been nothing in any of the arcs, guidebooks, or special edition books to confirm this and that forbids them from having a mate and kits. Leaders are normally granted nine lives and a new name with the ending "-star" (e.g. Firestar, Bluestar) in a ceremony where nine StarClan cats come to them in a dream at the Moonstone. However, a leader may not receive all nine lives if the previous leader of his or her Clan is still alive; in this instance, a leader will have a life taken off the original total of nine for every life the previous leader still possesses. Sometimes StarClan will not accept a leader, if this happens then the Clan is usually thrown into turmoil. Deputy: The deputy is the second-in-command to the leader, and may be considered an apprentice to the art of leading the Clan. They serve in the leader's place in situations where the leader is unable to fulfill their duties. They are in charge of organizing patrols and they are often called on by the leader for advice, but other than that, they retain the normal duties of a warrior. To become a deputy, a cat must have trained at least one apprentice. Upon the leader's death, they become the leader and go to the Moonstone so StarClan can grant them nine lives. Deputies may also retire and give up their place as deputy if they wish. Medicine Cat: The medicine cat serves the Clan as both their spiritual leader and healer, making them akin to the idea of a 'medicine man' in a tribal society. In addition to their responsibilities to their Clan, they have responsibility to one another and StarClan. They carry out their responsibilities to StarClan once every half-moon, meeting together to discuss matters privately and share dreams with StarClan. Clan leaders often rely on them to carry messages from StarClan, as medicine cats have a link no other cat has to the dead. As a healer, they gather herbs and dispense them as an apothecary would. They handle diagnosis and treatment of both illness and injury for all the cats in the Clan. In their role as spiritual leader, they teach the code, interpret omen and prophecy, and generally serve the Clan as a conduit between the earthly cats and their ghostly counterparts. As a medicine cat, they are not allowed to have a mate or kits, but this rule has been broken by certain medicine cats. Medicine Cat Apprentice: A medicine cat apprentice is the cat that is being trained to follow in the pawsteps of the medicine cat. They learn healing and spiritual lore from the medicine cat. Medicine cat apprentices also accompany their mentors in their visit to the Moonstone every half-moon to receive dreams from StarClan. Frequently, a medicine cat apprentice who has full training will be given a warrior name; however, medicine cat apprentices remain apprentices even when fully trained so long as the current medicine cat is still practicing the arts. At the time the old medicine cat either dies or steps down, the medicine cat apprentice becomes a full medicine cat, somewhat like the leader/deputy relationship. When the apprentice becomes the full medicine cat then s/he can have an apprentice of their own. Warrior: A warrior is a cat trained in the arts of fighting and hunting. Warriors make up the bulk of a Clan, and provide that Clan with the protection and food supply that keeps it safe and well-fed. Typically, a cat is made a warrior at or over the age of twelve moons. In their oath to become a warrior, they promise to "uphold the warrior code and protect and defend their Clan, even at the cost of their life". Warrior dens are very often near the front of the Clan, where they can protect the rest of their Clan from attacks. There are also senior warriors, who are older, respected warriors, mentioned to have a good bond with the Clan's leader. Queen: A queen is a she-cat nursing or expecting kits. Their primary task during this time is the raising of their kits. Some queens stay in the nursery after they have kits (e.g. Daisy, Goldenflower, and Ferncloud). They are thought to do this because they feel they can help the nursing queens. Some queens, such as Daisy, do not feel suited for Clan life aside from helping the other queens. They most often help other queens when no milk is available, or when the mother is ill/dead. Kits are protected from attacks and the nursery is often situated at the back of the camp, away from the entrance. Elder: An elder is a retired warrior, deputy, queen, medicine cat, or leader who is too old or not in suitable shape to continue with their duties. Elders are taken care of by the whole Clan, and are given respect for the time they have served as warriors. They are responsible for taking the body of a dead cat out to be buried. Some cats don't become an elder only because of old age; if there is ever a condition which prevents the cat from fulfilling their duties to their Clan, it usually leads to the cat's decision of retiring (e.g. Longtail, Heavystep). Apprentice: An apprentice is a cat in training to become a warrior. Their names end in the word "-paw" (e.g. Tawnypaw, Bramblepaw, Firepaw etc). Usually most are at or over the age of six moons. They have a mentor appointed to them at their ceremony and most days are taken out battle training or hunting. They are also given the task of cleaning out bedding. Apprentices are not allowed to have a mate or kits, likely because of their young age or not to interrupt their training. Kit: A kit is a cat who has not been made an apprentice yet. Their names always end in "-kit" (e.g. Dovekit, Lionkit, Blossomkit). Most often, they are under the age of six moons. Although, sometimes they are held back from being an apprentice for a certain amount of time, sometimes due to injury or misbehaving. They stay in the camp and are forbidden to leave it, unless accompanied by an older cat, such as a warrior, a medicine cat, or any kind of apprentice. Edited September 4, 2012 by Laurarockstar Share this post Link to post
Posted July 20, 2012 Heeeeyyyy! Allow me to do a bit of critique on your RP! I'm a bit hyper right now, so just bare with me! We must go back to the forest territories and reclaim our old home." he explained loudly The period after home should be a comma. The cats stared at him wide eyed, the stories of the forest had faded even from the elders den long ago, and many cats doubted it was real Comma splice here, between 'eyed' and 'the', change the comma into a semi-colon this is the only thing we can do." He leaped down from the tree. Both periods should be commas! Will they be able to let go of their bonds during the journey and survive on their own? Or will the clans die out forever? This is a bit confusing. You say that the clans have already arrived at the forest, but what is this journey thing about? Btw, I would love to join. I'm planning on quitting a few RPs anyways, so save a leader spot for me, will you? Share this post Link to post
Posted July 20, 2012 (edited) Fixed and reworded. Wich leader spot do you want? Edited July 20, 2012 by Laurarockstar Share this post Link to post
Posted July 21, 2012 /pops in here ohai In a bit of a critiquing mood, so I hope you don't mind me pointing things out ^^' As you all know, the twolegs have once more invaded our clans and torn up our earth. Countless moons ago, the clans had to leave their home to come here for the same reasons. Over here, you capitalized 'Clans' before, but you didn't here, so if they're supposed to be capitalized (which they are, btw ;D) you should stick with that throughout the whole thing. :3 Starclan has told us that our land, long ago lost, has been abandonded for many, many moons. That can be reworded into a better phrase, such as maybe putting 'lost' before 'long ago', or something. ^^' The cats stared at him wide eyed; the stories of the forest had faded even from the elders den long ago, and many cats doubted it was real. I believe you're missing an apostrophe there? ;D Lionstar glanced at the other leaders. "The leaders, deputies, and medicine cats have talked for moons, and we know this is the only thing we can do," He leaped down from the tree, "We leave now." The last part, which is in bold, is grammatically incorrect. As the dialogue has nothing to do with 'he/she said/meowed/roared/growled/etc.', there should be a comma before 'He leaped'. And the last dialogue should be a new sentence, so a period is needed instead of a comma. Make sense? Sorry, it's 1:35 AM, so I might either be confusing or have absolutely no idea what I'm talking about right now. Now, time for questions. ^^' Which book series is this set after? Where have they been living this whole time? How long ago is it? Why must they return to the forest, knowing the risks and deaths that might be involved? Surely, moving to a new place would be better, right? Since Starclan is mentioned, is there a prophecy that they sent to their descendents? Most of the time Starclan does that when they say anything at all, lol. Why are they leaving now instead of waiting longer, maybe to collect more resources for the medicine cat, or wait until the kits are older to travel, if there are any? Moving on... The clans left the lake territory moons ago, and the clans finally reached the old forest after the long journey. As mentioned above, remember to stick with what you capitalize and what you don't. Same thing with the word 'forest', since I'm seeing letters that don't agree with each other When they returned, they found a new thunderpath, a very thin one, at the edge of old Shadowclan territory and realized that that was what the Twolegs were building, so many moons ago. Comma isn't necessary there. 'Twolegs' has the same problem as 'forest' and 'clans'. The new one at the edge of Shadowclan territory resembles the old Thunderpath at it's hight, although cats do not usually cross it. Do you see a spelling error? :3 I suggest running through spellcheck or pasting this in MS Word. Helps a ton, and you might even add in a lot more things Also the phrase 'do not usually' sounds a bit weird. Maybe switching 'do not' and 'usually' around would sound a bit better. Some more questions to pimp up your Plot: Where have they traveled from and through? What sort of hardships did they overcome? Any significant changes to the Clans? Why must they go their separate ways? What are the threats that may cause them to die out? Skipping Rules and the map... Onto your location descriptions~ Depending on when this is set, have there been any significant changes since the twolegs invaded? If so, where? It'd be pretty darn weird to be driven out if their homes weren't altered a bit, right? Are there any forbidden places? You might also want to explain about rogues, loners, and the like. Some may get mixed up and stuff. And Dark Forest isn't something we get to hear a lot about, so explaining that too could be useful. You also spelled 'Ceremonies' wrong. ^^' Don't forget to post the Warrior's Code. |D /reminding. And that is all for today ;D Have fun. x3 Share this post Link to post
Posted July 21, 2012 (edited) DONE! :33 EDIT: Also if you want me to put your char's pic up with the description, pm me Edited July 21, 2012 by Laurarockstar Share this post Link to post
Posted July 22, 2012 I believe there's a plant called 'Water Hemlock' that's poisonous, mostly on RiverClan? And this is humans words for herbs, right? Cause toothache is Alder Bark, then. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 22, 2012 (edited) Hello I'm Dauntingale, and I'll be butting in today and provide you with some more critique. Be warned, I am not an approver or an approver-in-training, so there are things I will miss. Also, in each clan's territory their is a small clearing were the earth was dug up, and but back - “their” should be “there”. - “were” should be “where”. - “but” should be “put”. Also, in each clan's territory their is a small clearing were the earth was dug up, and but back. Also, it seems that the twolegs have planted new saplings. - You wrote “Also” to begin two sentences in a row. Not grammatically incorrect, but repetitive. You started a sentence with a bit later too, but that one isn’t too near, so you can leave it there (I still suggest taking it out, but that’s your choice since it’s not too bad). The Old Forest is now over run with rouges and loners passing through, and rats are popular, these things don't make such a difference though since the Clans can fight them off. - “over run” is one word -> “overrun”. - It’d flow better if you replace “passing through” with “who pass through”. - Start a new sentence at “these” or use a semicolon instead of a comma. - “such” should be “much of” - Comma before and after “though” i think you’re right. - “rouges” should be “rogues”. Also, a couple foxes have moved into the territories, as has a bager. - “bager” should be “badger”. - I’m not sure about this one; perhaps you just need to rephrase this sentence. -> “Also, a couple of foxes and a badger have moved into the territories.” their seperate ways - “Seperate” should be “separate.” As you all know, the twolegs have once more invaded our clans - Capitalize “twolegs” since you’ve have a majority of them capitalized. Or will the clans die out forever? - Capitalize “clans” for consistency. Cerimonies - “Cerimonies” should be “Ceremonies”. Aloe Vera – Use the leaves; treat burns and skin problems (insect bites, etc.) - Can’t use a semicolon here. - Replace the semicolon with “to”. The Clans left The Lake Territory moons ago, and the Clans finally reached The Old Forest after the long journey. - Too much repetition here. - Replace the second “the Clans” with a pronoun. On their way back, they had to go through snow, fight a fox, and eat only crowfood at one point. - Rephrase the last portion of this sentence. -> “On their way back, they had to go through snow, fight a fox, and, at one point, they had only crowfood to eat.” open moors of their territory.Their very first leader was Wind. - Space after the period. StarClan are the deceased warrior ancestors of the Clans who live on in spirit form after dying, and watch over the living Clan cats - Unnecessary comma before “and”. Only use a comma before “and” if “and” is connecting two independent clauses, or used in a list. “watch over the living Clan cats” is not an independent clause. It is a place where cats that have committed great crimes against their Clans and against the Warrior Code go when they die. - Take out the second “against”. A kittypet is the Clan cats' word for housecats, that Twolegs keep and care for. - Unnecessary comma after housecats. Burdock Root – Used to relieve joint pains (like arthritis)Good for rat bites and infected wounds. - Period after “(like arthritis)” outside of the parenthesis. Catnip - Used to ease pain and help to cure Greencough, Blackcough and Whitecough. - Take out the second “to”. - Comma after “Blackcough”. - “Greencough” as well as the others following should not be capitalized, as they are only illnesses. Celandine - Used to strenghten weak eyes. - “streghten” should be “strengthen”. Used to relax, leaves and flowers sooths heart & gives physical strength. - Add “the” after “sooths”. - “sooths” should be “sooth” since “leaves and flowers” is plural. Deathberry - Berries, or any other part of the plant, when consumed will kill the cat who swallows if they are not given immediate help, and even then they may not always be saved. - Comma after “consumed”. - Add in “it” after “swallows”. - Comma after “then”. Ferns – Helps to clean out wounds by just the inside part after “crunching” off the outer “shells.” - This sentence needs rephrasing. -> “Only the part inside the outer ‘shells’, which are ‘crunched’ off, is used to help clean wounds.” or “Helps to clean out wounds by using the inner part, once the outer ‘shells’ are ‘crunched’ off.” - I don’t see why you need quotes around “crunching” and “shells”. Comfrey - Used to help cure for broken bones - Take out “for”. Feverfew - Small bush with flowers like a daisy. The leaves can be eaten to reduce body temperature, especially cats with fever or chills. -Add “useful for” after “especially”. - Replace the comma after “temperature” with a semicolon, or a period. Also can heal aches and headaches. - “Also can” should be “can also”. Marigold - Leaves and Flowers should be consumed to relieve chills. - “Flowers” should not be capitalized. Poppy (wild) - Seeds can be consumed to remove pain and aid is sleep. Flower heads should be consumed together to relive continuous coughs. Petals and Leaves should be chewed to aid in sleep and improve resting. - Take out “is” or replace “is” with “in”. - “Leaves” in the last sentence should not be capitalized. - “relive” should be “relieve”. Tansy - Leaves, flowers, and Stems should be eaten together to remove worms. Leaves may be chewed to relive joint aches. - “Stems” should not be capitalized. - “relive” should be “relieve”. Thyme - Should be consumed to calm the anxious cat, or to aid in brining restful sleep. - “brining” should be “bringing”. Yarrow Leaves - Makes them throw-up and extract poison - Who is “them”? Yarrow Ointment – Scraped paws - Specify. I know what you mean, but will others? Yew berries/deathberries - are an extremely poisonous species of red berries and one can kill a cat in seconds. - Take out “an”. - Add in “either” before “one”. * Add punctuation to your “landmarks” sections (specifically periods). * Add full punctuation to your “herbs” section, since you do use semicolons, periods, and commas in certain places. You should use punctuation consistently or have none at all in a list. Sorry that's quite a lot! I wish you luck with your approval! Edited July 22, 2012 by Dauntingale Share this post Link to post
Posted July 22, 2012 (edited) op, sorry. missed a part of it. lol ops. Edited July 22, 2012 by libby2999 Share this post Link to post
Posted July 22, 2012 ... @ libby2999 1, do you read warriors? 2, if you read the rules, you can only PM forms to the owner while unapproved. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 22, 2012 Hey! I'm back ;D This seems a lot better and improved. I'm glad you edited out all those mistakes ^^' Countless moons ago, the clans had to leave their home to come here for the same reasons. If we stay here, at The Lake, we will die. Starclan has given us a prophecy, saying that our land, lost long ago, has been abandonded for many, many moons. Forgot to catch this one capitalization mistake. ;D "The leaders, deputies, and medicine cats have talked for moons, and we know this is the only thing we can do," He said, leaping down from the tree. "We leave now." In the case of dialogue followed by a 'he/she said', the pronoun isn't capitalized. :> They also realized that the Tribe Of Rushing Water was gone. Is there a certain back story as to what happened to such a large Tribe? Any remains of the Clans' friends, or a hint as to why they are gone? In short, what happened to them? The new one at the edge of Shadowclan territory resembles the old Thunderpath at it's hight, although cats don't usually cross it. So I failed to realize 'hight' is an actual word. It means "to name, call". I doubt that's what you mean in this case. Also, in each clan's territory there is a small clearing where the earth was dug up, and put back. It seems that the twolegs have planted new saplings here. But now, the clans must go their separate ways once more. Self-explanatory :> I'm just pointing out the capitalization errors you missed ^^' Moving on to your lists. |D Yellow List With a warning Red List Suspened from the RP for a certain amount of time Black List Suspened from the RP forever A problem right off the bat is punctuation. ;D Gotta add them periods. Also, I believe you are trying to spell 'suspended'? For black list, I think you should replace that with 'expelled' though. Moving on to the Territories... ThunderClan claims the southeastern part of the region, their territory consisting of deciduous woodland. Their camp is in a sandy ravine that used to be a riverbed long time ago, surrounded by brambles. I think you're missing an 'a' here. :0 -East of the camp is Snakerocks, a clearing where prey and plants are abundant, but adders represent a danger. Next to the clearing is The Great Sycamore, a tall tree where apprentices learn to climb, Comma should be a period. :3 -The river itself, a source of prey for the cats. Comma isn't needed there and should be replaced with 'is'. It'd flow better and wouldn't sound as odd. Also, I know you mentioned prey below, but it'd be helpful if there were a few examples of what some of the Clans eat, like ThunderClan and WindClan. I'm sure RiverClan doesn't live on fish alone, either. ^^' Going on to the ranks now. Sometimes StarClan will not accept a leader, if this happens then the Clan is usually thrown into turmoil. These should be two separate sentences, ending and starting at 'if'. That comma should be moved to after 'happens'. Deputies may also retire and give up their place as deputy if they wish Forgot a period. In their oath to become a warrior, they promise to "uphold the warrior code and protect and defend their Clan, even at the cost of their life." Warrior dens are very often near the front of the Clan, where they can protect the rest of their Clan from attacks. There are also senior warriors, older, respected warriors, mentioned to have a good bond with the Clan's leader. The problem with that quote is that the period should be outside the quotations, as it's not dialogue but referencing to something. The colored sounds very weird. Um, I'm not sure how to revise it, so I'll leave it up to you to reword or rephrase this. A hint is to read it aloud and look at it technically as well as a reader to see if it'll work. Most usually are at or over the age of six moons. 'Usually' should be moved to the beginning of the sentence. ;D Though sometimes they are held back from being an apprentice for a certain amount of time, sometimes due to injury or misbehaving. This sentence should be connected to the first, as it sounds incomplete. If you'd like to keep this, though, you can replace 'though' with 'although' and add a comma after it. And that's it from me I'm sure I missed some things, but someone else can point them out. It's starting to shape up very well and the information added from the questions are fleshing your story out little by little. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 23, 2012 You spelt 'sentences' wrong in the roolessss! ... That was random... Share this post Link to post
Posted July 23, 2012 @laurarockstar, your PM folder is full. But can you reserve the deputy spot in thunderclan for me please? I'll send it once your folder is abble to recive. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 23, 2012 Alright, i'll fix that, and okay, i emptied it out. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 24, 2012 Do you think this Roleplay is ready for approval??? Share this post Link to post
Posted July 24, 2012 Nimbus- I'm probably in absolutely no position to be an aprover (Yeah I know sorry XP) but I ran this through my computer's word processor, and picked up a few miss pelt words and odd grammer, and I was wondering if I could point them out? If I may? has been abandonded Sorry, but it's "abandoned". The Thunderpath at it's hight it's "hieght" wiht an e. The new one at the edge of Shadowclan territory resembles the old Thunderpath at it's height, although cats don't usually cross it. "its" not "it's" It sounds like, "Thunderpath at it is hieght." 1. Follow the rules or you will get onto one of the bad lists. To get on the yellow list you have to not follow a small rule. To get on the red list you either break a small rule again and again or break a big rule once. 2. Follow dragon cave rules 3. No god-modding or power-playing. 4. No spamming. 5. Add the word Starclan in the password. 6. Keep stuff PG-13 7. You are not all powerful, and you have to die at some point 8. No cussing. 9. Gatherings will be held every ten pages, unless i say otherwise. 10. No Mary-sue/Gary-stu or anti Mary-sue/Gary-stu (no being perfect, or being a sad excuse for a cat) 11. If you are inactive for three weeks without notice you will loose your cats. 12. Only five characters per person, unless you ask me and i say otherwise. 13. If you want your cat to have any special powers, or prophicies, PM me. 14. You need at LEAST five sentences per post. 15. If you want to be a medicine cat, you must have a general knowlage of herbs. 16. If you want to be a leader, you must have at least one other warrior/queen in that clan. 17. You may not have more than two important cats, unless you ask me and i say otherwise. (Leader, deputy, med. cat/apprentice, part of a prophicy) 17. Have fun (better not break this rule!) Uppercase I when reffrering to yourself. prophecies, with an e not i. prophecy not prohicy. Username: (Simple enough) Name: (kits end in -kit, apprentices end in -paw, leaders end in -star, warriors can end in anything) Age: (In moons) Gender: (She-cat or tom) Clan: (Thunder, River, Wind, or Shadow) Position: (Kit, apprentice, warrior, ect...) Discription: (What i put next to their name below) Appearance: (A longer desription of their looks plus/or a picture) Personality: (Personality. RP'd is not acceptable) History: (History. RP'd is not acceptable) Other: (Anything else?) Password: (You should know. *.*) Description not discription, and desription should be description. That's all I could find, and sorry if i'm not allowed to do this, I just wanted to help out Share this post Link to post
Posted July 26, 2012 (edited) Username: Skystar11 Name: Skycloud. Age: 17 moons. Gender: she-cat Clan: WindClan. Position: Medicine Cat Discription: a blue-gray cat with turquoise eyes. Appearance: http://amazingworldofwarriors.webs.com/239..._3167fc1be1.jpg Personality: She is swift, clever, & perfect for the job. History: She doesn't remember her history. Only that she has a brother, but doesn't know where he went after they were forced to split. Other: Password: As in, our password to sign in the forum? Um... no thanks, I don't give that stuff away. Edited July 26, 2012 by Skystar11 Share this post Link to post
Posted July 26, 2012 1. You must PM it to me 2. You didn't read the rules Read the rules and send it to me again. :33 Share this post Link to post
Posted July 27, 2012 LRS, you mind putting the character forms in code? When you're not on the laptop or computer you can't copy them. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 28, 2012 LRS, you mind putting the character forms in code? When you're not on the laptop or computer you can't copy them. If your on an ipod/ipad if you hold down over text then release there should be an option to 'select' and maybe other stuff. Touch select then drag the two ends to were you want them to, there should be a 'copy' option floating around it also (along with other stuff). And to past is to select into a text box, then touch and hold, release and select 'past'. I do not know what else it works for though. But I am 99% sure you are able to do so. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 28, 2012 I know, but I'm on the phone and my phone is...yeah, bad quality. Share this post Link to post
Posted July 30, 2012 Okay edited... Also, how do you put it into code. Oooother than thatttt. Now is it ready for approval???? Share this post Link to post
Recommended Posts