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 Lost Dragon Village, Nobody left to tell you what happened.
Zeditha
Posted: Apr 5 2017, 05:43 PM


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High above the boundless ocean, a wisp of smoke threads through the moonless night...
It leads to a lush island, full of forests and beaches and life...
But, closer, something is not right...

A dragon the colour of the waves swoops down towards her home, entering the wood-filled clearing just in time for something to slip past her, into the buildings, stealing the eggs, killing anyone who may fight...

She stands there, frozen in fear, until a dreadful warmth begins to spread to her...

The village is on fire!



Kalicetha woke, the scent of smoke lingering around her muzzle as she rushes to check her eggs. Realising it was a dream only allays her fears for a moment - the destruction of her village had plagued her rest for weeks now. She had to tell someone...
It wasn't long before the Watchers took notice of her. Each time the nightmare reappeared, new details flashed by her, but never one; the most she caught of the attackers who destroyed her home was a shadow, fleeing past the flickering flames.

It was soon realised that her dream was a prophecy, and that the village would be under threat.

But the leader of the village could not know when, and he refused to alarm the small tribe. So instead, he and the Watchers did what they thought best: over some years, they buried eggs in an empty cave not far from the clearing, and the leader cast a spell every new moon. The spell would not only keep them safe until they were needed, but also strengthen the hatchlings inside, so that when all others were gone, they could rebuild.
Kalicetha's egg - her largest, a light violet egg - was buried in the leader's own den, where the magic would be strongest. The hatchling within would be the new leader; that was, assuming the plan was successful.

Many years passed with no trace of an attack, and all dragons who knew of the dream began to forget - all except one. Kalicetha stared at each new moon, standing a silent, hopeless guard against what she knew would be true.

She was not wrong. Although many years had passed since the dreams, they came; the silent shadows took eggs from nests, smashed others, and set everything aflame. Kalicetha's last words were "I knew you would come."


~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


One moon later, the spell has worn thin. Within minutes, it will lift, and the eggs buried underground will be free to rebuild the lost village - if they can survive.
You are a hatchling, emerging from one of these eggs. Whether you are to be a powerful Watcher, a newly-buried Runt, or one of the many hunters and gatherers who will defend the newly-hatched tribe, you have one question to answer:
What happened?

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~


Notes to self (this is a WIP xd.png)

Make story purple

add headings

rules etc (green - rules in orange)

forms will be held in second post, along with empty form to PM to me (blue)



Feel free to PM me if you're interested in joining; I don't have a specific form up here yet, but this is actually a remake of the first roleplay I posted on this site, so a suitable form is available there. (It's in Other RPs, and the topic name is the same as this one. smile.gif)

This post has been edited by Zeditha on Apr 7 2017, 01:34 PM
Zeditha
Posted: Apr 5 2017, 05:55 PM


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Reserved 1
(forms)
Zeditha
Posted: Apr 5 2017, 05:56 PM


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Reserved 2

(just in case)

Feel free to post now smile.gif I'll still be editing and updating, but I've finished the story to a point where I'm satisfied, so crits are welcome!
Narvix
Posted: Apr 7 2017, 09:10 AM


I am valid.
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Hey there! Valid here smile.gif
I had a little extra time before work so I thought it best to pop in really quick. Since you're still planning on making adjustments and whatnot to your thread, I guess we'll go through the Approval Process in parts.

Upon my first read-through of your story, I noticed that you have a little bit of a tense change. Your story, for the most part, is in past tense. However, this:
QUOTE
Kalicetha stares at each new moon, standing a silent, hopeless guard against what she knows will be true.

This is in present tense. You'll want to go back and make sure you're not switching tenses during your writing.
Zeditha
Posted: Apr 7 2017, 01:37 PM


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I edited the sentence; I couldn't see any other places I switched tense (unless you count the word 'standing' in that sentence, which I left), but I may have missed something. smile.gif

I only have the rules and other information to edit in; the story is, apart from addressing any critique, finished.
Darkstorm34
Posted: Apr 7 2017, 08:07 PM


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Hey! I decided to pop in with a little critique- This roleplay is very interesting!

QUOTE
until a dreadful warmth begins to spread to her...

The wording here is a little awkward, I'd suggest something along the lines of "she begins to feel a dreadful warmth..."

QUOTE
and set everything aflame

I think the word you're looking for is ablaze?

QUOTE
So instead, he and the Watchers did what they thought best: over some years, they buried eggs in an empty cave not far from the clearing, and the leader cast a spell every new moon.

I personally would suggest rewriting this paragraph to make the flow better. My personal recommendation is as follows:
QUOTE
However, the leader of the village could not know when, and he refused to alarm the small tribe. Instead, he and the Watchers did what they thought would be best; bury eggs in an empty cave not far from the clearing. The leader cast a spell every new moon which would not only keep the eggs safe until they were needed, but also strengthen the hatchlings inside; so that when all others were gone, they could rebuild.


I know you're adding other information also, but just in case you aren't adding onto this, I would suggest informing the readers on what exactly the Watchers are. I was a bit confused on what they were on my first reading, so I'd suggest explaining outside of the story, so that you don't disturb the pacing you have going on. smile.gif
Zeditha
Posted: Apr 7 2017, 09:53 PM


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Thanks for the help! smile.gif

I was planning to expand on the rank system in a later section; I should probably get on that before too long.

I'll go through and edit after work tongue.gif
SockPuppet Strangler
Posted: Apr 26 2017, 02:25 AM


Wednesday has been canceled due to a scheduling potato.
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QUOTE (Zeditha @ Apr 7 2017, 08:53 PM)
I was planning to expand on the rank system in a later section; I should probably get on that before too long.

I'll go through and edit after work tongue.gif

Just checking in to clarify if you ever finished editing or no. ^^
Zeditha
Posted: Apr 30 2017, 03:30 AM


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Mostly, I forgot about this. Been busy with exams and things. But since they're over now, I'll get on it! xd.png
TehUltimateMage
Posted: Apr 30 2017, 12:58 PM


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Sweet! Let us know when you're ready!
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